I'm home! It turns out to be a really good thing, even though I'm really sad to have left Guatemala. It doesn't feel real... I can't really describe how I feel right now. Sometimes it feels like my life isn't really happening to me. And it's weird. And that's how I feel right now. Oy.

I can't wait to go back. I have no real idea when it's going to happen, but it's definitely going to happen. It's sort of calling to me. So don't worry, guys! There will definitely be more adventure to come. Life is an adventure, in fact. We don't even have to wait to go somewhere crazy like Guatemala.

I do feel happy. And sad. And... I don't know. Wistful.

blow my mind.

Okay, so I'm coming home. There's not really a big reason for it, before you go wondering. I've been feeling like something needed to change for the last few weeks, or month, ish, and so I decided to leave HELP. But with leaving HELP comes the requirement to return home within a week of canceling my contract. So, here I come, sometime within the next week.

I love Guatemala. I cannot express it strongly enough. I feel a strong pull to come back. So, I will. But right now, it's time for me to go home. I don't really know why. I can't honestly say I totally want to. But if feels right, and I'll figure it out as I go. It'll be okay.

It's all coming to an end...

I still have more than a month here, but I feel like it's all ending so quickly! We have two classes left to teach for sex ed, and then that's completely finished. My peer education dream is having some trouble getting off the ground, with extra stress and tension within the group, and a third of the team leaving next Tuesday. (Some of my favorite people. I don't want to talk about it.)

But I have recently come to the conclusion that I will, in fact, be moving back down to Chimaltenango in January of next year. This gives me a lot of hope. If I can make contacts for this peer education program while I'm here now, and I can figure out what schools are interested, and what kids, I can come back in January and actually have enough time and energy to dedicate to this project. Right now what I want isn't going to happen before the end of August. But that's okay, because it will someday. At least I can come back next year and help it get off the ground.

Sex ed is finally winding down. What a relief. I have really enjoyed learning so much, and teaching kids and hopefully making a little bit of a difference in someone's life. But I've also hated it sometimes, and been so stressed, and so embarrassed because I have such a sad little knowledge of Spanish that it makes it hard for me to talk about anything beyond what's on my lesson plan. But it's so sad that it's ending, because it means Leah is going home!

This weekend is El Salvador and a beach and relaxing, I hope. Next week is going to be an adventure, since I have no idea what I'm going to be doing. Hopefully meeting with administrators and getting feedback on peer education. And I'd like to go with some of the other projects I haven't seen yet, so here's my opportunity!

The longer I'm here, the more I want to stay here. The last week has been incredibly stressful, and I think I cried more than I had for probably the last four or five months. But even during all that, and still being stressed, I haven't yet felt the desire to leave. I love being in Guatemala more than I have ever loved anything, ever. There is such a good feeling here. The people here have so much potential for goodness, and I have learned so much from them! I know I need to go home in August, but I can't wait for next January. Seriously.

Volcan Pacaya

Last Saturday (meaning not two days ago, but a week before that), Josie and I hiked up the volcano Pacaya with a couple of friends from the ward, and it was by far the coolest thing I've ever done. To get there, it seriously took a 4 hour bus ride. On four different buses. First we went from Chimaltenango to Antigua - but only after waiting almost an hour for a certain friend who woke up late. But it was okay, we weren't truly bothered. Then we went from Antigua to Escuintla. That was about an hour and a half or two hours, and it could have been totally miserable. But I have been g¡ven the priceless gift of the ability to sleep on buses, so it was okay. You may have seen pictures of us sleeping, in fact. On Facebook, of course. We ate papusas in Escuintla. They were delicious. But I was sadly unprepared and hadn't bothered to actually find Pacaya on a map - it's way the heck over by the coast! So we were at sea level, and it was humid and steamy and really hot. But I was dressed like it was Chimaltenango, which is in the highlands and is all rainy and damp and cold. A lovely surprise, except I was in jeans and layered t-shirts! From Escuintla we went to this random bus stop, where we switched onto a bus that took us to the actual mountain. (I am so glad we had the guys from the ward with us, or we would have been so, so incredibly lost.)

Waiting for our papusas. We were so excited to eat.

The fourth bus up. I'm sitting on random bags of fertilizer.

Pacaya has had a lot of work done on it in the last few years and has become a super touristy place. You can ride a horse up the volcano, if you're not feeling up to it yourself. And you don't even have to know how to ride a horse, because they lead the horse up the mountain for you! I haven't seen so many white people (on horses) since I've been here. And that includes our touristy trip to Honduras and Rio Dulce.

It was amazing, though. We went right up (without another lunch, unfortunately) the path after getting the guy to give us a discount because we're students - which was lucky, because I'm an American and would have had to pay twice as much, which would have taken all the money I had with me! I'm a weird hiker. Which means, it's really hard for me at first, especially going uphill. But after awhile I'm fine. Like on Acatenango - about an hour from the top, I perked up and made it just fine. But everything before that was awful. Pacaya wasn't quite the same story; I was just slower than everyone else. Which doesn't actually bother me at all, except that everyone else is slowed down.

The trail was absolutely beautiful. The mountain was absolutely beautiful. The view was beautiful - guys, Guatemala is freaking beautiful! And we hiked up the side of the mountain, not even the trail. That was sort of an accident. There are a lot of different trails of varying difficulty, and we thought we were going up one of those. I think maybe it's on its way to becoming a true trail, since it looked like people had been there recently, but it's definitely not maintained. Just this random little almost-trail shooting straight up the side of the mountain. And then there was an awesome hill of volcanic sand we got to surf down, which was obviously so much fun. Josie got sand/little rocks in her pants.

Laguna de Calderas

Then the true adventure started. Don't get me wrong, the entire day was an adventure (which is how we refer to it, actually) but then we got to climb up the old lava flows! Which were totally mean and stabbed our hands (I think Melvin might still have the scars to show for it...), but it was so freaking cool! And then we got to lava! There was a true lava flow happening right in front of my eyes. It was like watching an act of creation. I've never been so amazed/excited/blown away/happy in my life. Real lava, just oozing out of the side of a volcano. There is absolutely nothing anyone could do to stop it, and it was completely indifferent to our existence - to anyone's - but I absolutely loved it.

On our way up!


True lava. Really, truly.

It took another five ish hours to get home, since we went from the mountain to the random bus stop to Escuintla to Antigua - but we got to Antigua too late to catch the bus to Chimal. Thank goodness for people with family! Brian's parents came and picked us up and took us up. What lovely, beautiful people. We danced all the way home.

You know you want to see more pictures. Go here!

A quick update:

Saturday was my best day ever (more about that in a different post, someday - with pictures!), and several people's worst. It's not my story to tell, just know that our team has gone through a lot of stress over the last few days.

I feel yucky again. Fever, headache, nausea, yuck. But no puking. And no BU. Thank the universe!

Sex ed is wrapping up, and I'm excited. This week and next week! Then on to peer education!

I don't want to ever go home.

My day...

consisted of making Vic's Vaporub (except in Spanish... and not copyrighted) from scratch, teaching reproductive anatomy to 4th, 5th, and 6th graders, and spending four hours putting together a lesson plan and handout on menstruation for tomorrow. All in all, I've been working for like 13 hours straight. It's been a long day.

Belize!

Just got back from Belize yesterday. I have no pictures at the moment, but I'm working at getting them on the computer. Let me just say that I freaking love Belize.

I love Guatemala. Love it. I could spend the rest of my life here. But! Belize is on a completely different level of love. It's super chill. Guatemala has this sort of anxiety that's always hanging there, even in the rural, random places. It's like a leftover from the civil war, I think. But Belize wasn't like that at all. There was no feeling of anxiety, or being rushed, or anything in that genre of feelings. It was relaxed. And they speak Creole, which is freaking cool. Except I think I understand Spanish better than I understand Creole. Gah, and the food! Again, I love Guatemala, but the food definitely leaves something to be desired.

I wish we'd gotten to spend more time there! It's super beautiful, and there's so much to do. Not as much as you'd think, ya know? I'm thinking a honeymoon trip to Belize someday.